It starts over.

AIDS

The way we were...

How much have we changed over the years?  Look at yourself now.  Look at yourself 10 years ago.  How much has consciously changed?  Is it for the better, do you think?  Have you changed at all?  If you were 12 ten years ago then this probably doesn't apply, for we all know how much you have physically changed.  But maybe we should look into that.  When we are pre-teens, do we truly have any differences to ourselves than we do when we are adults?  How much is to blame on adolecence?  How much is to blame on just human nature?  Do we dumb ourselves down into believing we are no longer an animal species?  What changed in our genome that granted us the right to take over?  Some argue that technology is the reason we are seperated from the animals, I say it is the reason we cannot move forward.  Technology, to me, is our catalyst that keeps us from finding an actual harmony with the world we live in...not rule.  Mother nature is a far greater force than we could ever harness.  That's why it scares and intruiges us so much.  Yet we as humans believe hole-heartedly that we are an exceptional breed.  Due to the landing on the moon and a nuclear fusion we except our fates as gods amung the creatures of the planet.  Is it not true that most if not all the species, minus humans, on the planet leave the nest before their first birthday?  That most animals actually leave their mother's side right after birth?  We are the only species on the planet that creates a life revolved around nurture, an achilles heel of evolutionary sorts.  We are mammals, so that in itself is a reason we hold onto our parents, but even the most family oriented species do not depend on the family structure as their means of growth, acceptance, prosperity...so look into yourself.  How much have you changed in the past ten years?  Now compare that to how much you've learned.  It's not our technology that pushes us forward it's our capability to have it.   The next time you fill your gas tank up at the gas station think about how much amazing brain power went into creating that car, gas pump, credit card, banking system, cement you're standing on, lights affording you sight, radio waves turned off with the ignition...then look into your pocket.  Give that loose change to charity.  

Not sure what the point of that ramble was.  I had District 9, little sea turtles hatching and then making a break for the water's edge and that stupid ass Bono commercial trapped in my head all at once.  *pop*  "Lipshhtick"  It came out in a flood of nonsensical blah, blah, blah!  Whoopsie!

By the way, Bono is in the hospital, or was, for a broken arm or has cancer or something...wish he would just die and forward all his millions to fighting HIV.  Then he would actually be doing some good. 

God "I really hate that man".  10 points for the reference.

P.S.  I would pay good money to watch the brutal beating of any human going against a grizzly with no technology.  Just sayin, we aint all that without our boom-boom sticks!

zip-zoom

I really don't know what to say tonight.  I haven't written anything in a bit and feel the urge to do so.  Just not quite sure what to write... 

There has been talk of a railway being built between Cleveland and Columbus.  This could potentially be amazing seeing as I love Columbus and shaving off any time it would take to get there would be fish in a bucket, but the builders are fucking stupid.  Much like all men with money and a smidge of power are...they plan on building this train in an old-fashioned type feel.  Like the chug-chug rather than the zip-zoom.  They claim it would be scenic and take approximatly 6 hours one way to get to Columbus.  WHAT THE FUCK?  Really?! What the fuck is wrong with you people?  How amazing would a connection to the main C's in Ohio be if it only took like 40 minutes to get to one place to the other?  The commuters would be in the thousands, i'm sure.  To just be able to scoot down to C-bus whenever you wanted and not need to pack a cooler, awesome...but they went ahead and fucked it up.  Not to mention it would cost 35 million dollars to make.  That's a lot of toilet paper.  Cause ain't nobody riding that train.  Maybe on the weekends families might get together and take the 26mph rail ride down, but nothing to pay off the debt in the next 25 years.  Dumb.  Not to mention the only appeal it had for the Columbus side to come up to Cleveland, cause there aint skid up here, would be the quick ride to grab a stale beer at an Indians game and shoot back home before your friends new of your deceit.  That's blown.

This got me thinking of get rich quick schemes.  See?...All you need is a helicopter that fits 20, a helicopter pilot, enough money to buy a helicopter that seats 20, a greasy palm to create a new air traffic lane and an investor that is not as dumb as the one with the train idea.  To charter a helicopter out of Cleveland would make millions in the first year alone.  I feel it.  To get people to Pittsburg, Columbus, Cinncinatti, Chicago, Youngstown on the off peak times...bullet holes in helicopter glass are expensive to caulk!  All in under an hour to 30 minutes, gold mine people!  Once the solo-chopper gets off the ground! no pun, well, yes pun, take that pun.  We could totally branch out to farther away destinations with more man power and merchandise. 

Just sayin.  Along with the Taco Bell I want to open, the chartered helicopter is gonna take us places...sorry!

whenever, wherever...

Could you imagine if in fact my hips couldn't actually lie?  Like after the meat loaf mother made you eat for 14 years of your young adult life there came muffled sounds from your under carriage.  Like the peanut's character's parents decided to burn the tree instead of decorating it.  You could never get a moments peace.  While you attempted to sleep your hips just droaned on and on about the economy and our government and the fat German teacher that thinks may have an obsession with the boys on the third floor of his apartment building.  Heaven forbid you had a one night stand over...the secrets being tweeted the next day about your small indiscretions bellow the belt would be in the thousands.  We would need to think of ways to shut our hips up.  There would need to be some sort of burn cream associated with the gyno.  There would be a boom of hip replacements for all ages.  A new hip knows nothing of it's brand new host.  Can't spill beans you never knew were there in the first place.  Although, depending on what we used for the new hip the non-lies coming from under your unmentionables may be more embarrassing than the actual truths of yours.  The mistaken shout-outs of someone's other could be more of a shock than your own skeletons. 

I have always wished that we as humans would develope a tick that every once in a while our brains would spasm and we would involuntarily burst into a narrative of what we were doing at that precise moment.  While walking down the street next to someone carrying a tennis racket and balls we would over hear them saying he was walking down the street carrying a tennis racket and balls.  The hips not lying could be an evolutionary step forward from that spasm.  Our brains would wire themselves completely lie-less.  For you cannot narratively tell a lie.  You would have to give away the fact you were telling the lie and therefore would in fact be not telling one.  It's the catch-22's in life that truly keep us honest.  Now turn the pillow over to cool your cheek and dutch oven the one you love.    

Solar power please.

While at the gas station a few days ago I slid my debit card through the slot and did something I have never done before.  I typed my PIN number in with my left forefinger.  This in itself isn't much of a story, for that matter neither is what's coming, but bare with it.  The fact that I had my left hand up while pulling the gas nozzle from the holster and swinging it over to the tank with my right hand, my left hand was on a decline to be left stagnant at my side while the gold from the Middle East went sloshing into my thirsty car.  Well, there must have been some gas left in the hose when the person before me drugged the planet a bit more and it came pouring out all over my left hand and arm.  Now, as much fun as it is to have a liquid billow out of a hose and all over my body is, gas is probably not the idea I had in mind for a good time.  The most amazing thing about having gas poured all over your arm and hand is the fact that it soaked into my skin so quickly.  I was afraid to stick the nozzle into the tank for fear that I might burst into more of a flame than I already am, but I cautiously started to pump the gas in while I sobbed.  I walked over to the station man and asked for the bathroom key to cleanse my soul and he said, "it's already unlocked, it's broke so we keep it open".  So then I thought about licking the grease from his body and walked over to the bathroom.  Wait a minute...what if I needed to actually use the bathroom instead of just washing my hands?  This is how pretty little girls get raped.  The door doesn't lock so anyone could just walk in at any time.  A brutha might have needed to bust out the shank inside him.  I can't use public bathrooms in itself let alone one that could be for the public viewing.  Just my bare ass on a toilet for the world to see.  Nope.  Anyway, the sopa was a plenty and the water was hot so for a gas station restrooms go, it was the Hilton.

The point of this story that makes no sense is, I still smell like gas.  It has been 3 full days and 2 full showers and my hand is still stank ass.  Not to mention it got all in my watch and the soaking of it in soapy hot water isn't seeming to be helpful.  So yesterday at work I spent the most of the night just deep breathing in my watch fumes.  It was a good time by the third hour of my fume intake-athon.  It also helped that my body was running on nothing but dill pickles and a half a bag of chips i dipped into honey BBQ sauce from the acclaimed Dollar Tree.  My mind was eager to be abused as well as my soul.  The fact that I didn't mind getting buzzed by the fumes was enough to maybe pour gas on my body more often.  It was the slight burning sensation that snapped me out of it late last night.  I couldn't sleep a wink but to block out the pain.  Needless to say the only liquids being poured on me as of late, besides water for bathing,  will be urine.  And that is only at Christmas.

While walking to my car after work tonight there was one other car in the parking lot that started it's engine as I made it to my driver's side door.  I pushed the button to release my lock and the lights from the mysterious stranger's car flicked on.  At first I thought I had finally developed telekinesis and I was inadvertently controlling this late model, blue and white Dodge something-or-other, but it in fact was a creeper in the lot just waiting for something to happen, it seemed.  There was no one else around besides my coworker and this wack-o sitting alone in his car.  As I opened the car door I said in response to my coworker's comment of, "that was weird".  I said, "well, he can't follow both of us!".  This actually got me thinking of a movie plot in which that actually happens.  Then it got me thinking about how this man would choose his victim to follow.  There were two of us after all.  Who would be the unlucky victim of this person?  If this were a true horror movie what could I do to ensure the safety of myself?  Or would it even matter any more at this point?  Did the person single me out before he saw both of us leaving?  Was this a random stop off to rape and pillage, or did he have a master plan in the works over a lengthy period of time.  All these question and scenerios ran through my brain all at once.  It was a bit too much to handle so I farted and got in my car and drove away.  I never looked in the rear view mirror.

I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!!

There was a conversation being had on the radio today that was making me angry.  The host was saying how the future would be riddled with robotic features that would take over the world and that we as humans would be powerless to stop it.  Now, I do believe that our own technological advances will soon dominate us and then inturn destroy us, but it was the way he said it would happen that confused me.  He was trying to explain how we would be getting stupider as the robots would be getting smarter.  Like our brains would go in reverse as the technology advanced full speed ahead.  Isn't that an oxymoron?  Would you not need our intelligence to par the future robots at least in the initial building of it?  Society as a whole may become dumbed down due to our technology but is it going to become genetics, evolutionized?  I believe that our robotic friends and objects will become super advanced by themselves, but that doesn't mean we get more stupid.  Like the air is being let out of our tires.  We would just not be as smart as the created.  The nano-technology will produce itself smarter, faster and more capable replicas of itself, sure, but that doesn't mean our brains will shut off.   Granted the longer we go with technology advances to ease our exsistence the harder it will be to start thinking on our own..."could you shave off about 1/3 of that order, she is calling off the wedding". "ummmmm...1/3 is how much less?"  "girl, there is an app for that"....Understood to a point.

They had a caller on that pissed me off even more.  She said that we would fall by the way side of the robots because we don't have flying cars yet.  She was mad that all of her young life there were dreams of once gliding through the air in our personal flying machines and since that has yet to happen that that is the precurser for our deflatted fate.  The only reason we do not have flying cars is the same reason the government is keeping the lid on the cure for cancer...because they can.  Could you imagine the property damage due to the flying cars and the dumb ass human behind the stick?  How dumb are we as humans?  You see people driving now, everyday, with their heads in their phones as they are hurling down the freeway.  Do you really want them typing away on their Mac-Triple-XD-Plus communication devices as they are controlling their hydrogen fueled flying missles?  Nope.  I'm fine with being on the ground and being fender-bendered by the jackass behind me that, "thought it was a bit farther up than that".  The things we have today are conditioned to be the way they are for the masses.  We are being controlled, secretly, by the powers that be to remain as safe as they will allow; for their own good.

Soooo, shut up bitch!

I'm only gonna break, break your, break, break your heart!

I am going to throw all my clothes away besides the ones that don't actually fit me.  I think that may motivate me to get up and shed off these few extra pounds.  Going into work with a suit coat that doesn't button and the sleeves are about to burst open like Ooggie-Boogie Man may in fact highten the cause for a flatter stomach!  Not to mention the freaking amazing looking boy I just saw at the gym...so hot!  He is a good motivator as well.  At least he motivates me to wear a thicker work out pant.  Those light cotton shorts are a dead give away while I'm sweating to the oldies staring at him.  If Jana needed an extra tent on her travels I'd have one for her!  The catch-22 is that working out in jeans is a bit painful!  Plus, the denim sliding up against the flesh leaves me chaffed and sticky!  I may have to start wearing undies or a condom to catch the yum-yum platter that is my jolly juice!  Not sure how I got off track...

My sister is running in a 5K this Sunday, is it?  She is gonna kill me.  I have no memory for things of any nature and can't seem to Spongebob Square Pants it up in there.  I believe it is Sunday.  Anyway, she will be a hot mess after and I took the whole day off.  I was hoping we could spend it downtown, seeing as we will beat the sun there, we will have the whole rest of the day.  Unfortunatly the bitch sweats like a mutha fucka!!! Loaf yea, girl, but you do!  I do too for that matter, but we aint talkin about me running.  So the day will be lost to her glands becoming less smelly and more dry.  Oh, well.  We'll just have to do something around home, like always!  Or we could stop being lazy asses and just go back downtown...there's a thought.  I could just throw the stank in the river and set her a blaze.  That should clean-er right up! 

All-in-all, the blades from a helicopter would do just fine against Scarlett Johansson's left cheek.  Quick and hopefully full of agonizing pain!  HATE THAT BITCH!!

Humans are the stupidest people on Earth.

"Knowledge is the pebble in the hand of a wise man of wit and the diamond on the finger of a fool."

Super Massive Black Hole.

Today started the cycle of my life that I like to call, "the spiral".  I have spurts of lost time that collect over the years of my exsistence.  I feel like I'm a repeat abductee from an alien race of midgets-I'm not sure why they are midget aliens, I think it has to do with my height in phsycallity-The realm of my psyche functions in an oblong gravitational pull.  The forces that be drag my soul through a roller coaster of emotions that I have no choice but to erase from my mind.  In doing so I have yet to truly understand who I am.  I drive back and forth through decisions and the processes that have brought me to certain forks in the road and can't seem to place the reasoning behind the derectional changes.  Maybe that is the point, though.  Maybe it's the not knowing that defines us.  Maybe the thinking behind the decisions are what actually stear us off the correct path in our lives. 

Today was another one of those turning points.  I have a way of falling into myself over and over again.  I am a compulsive wreck that is so painfully bland and uneventfully not reckless.  There could be an object I hate most in life, or on a smaller scale, just think of as friends, and a month or two later I will convince myself that the initial feelings were lies and I actually am obsessed with said object.  I know for a fact that these feelings are an excuse to further push my own buttons and section off the understood parts of my personality away from the unknown goodie bag left to scratch through, but it gets to a point where I actually feel like I'm committing hypethetical suicide.  Like the only answer is to give up and let it all go in a blaze of glory.  A subtle send off to the true unknown. 

Something caught my eye today that had me thinking about this.  It was the way people latch on to things that are seemingly unimportant.  The meaning we equate to an object, song, group, prayer, food, toy...can indeed tear us apart.  My object is forever changing but always remains the same.  It is my inability to let myself love myself.  It is the way I had a hard time even typing those letters in the sequence to spell out those words to create that phrase.  I don't self-loathe, that is a waste of time, but I do block out the one emotion left for everyone else to devoure, love.  The ever changing aspect of it is the way it transforms into different things for different days.  But it will always close in on me.  It will not let the love in.  It may be a boy tonight saying he thinks I am cute...most likely handsom would be the word used...bleh. Or it could be the dog that snuggles it's head in my lap.  I will inevitably make an excuse to dismiss the action as something negative.  I have always been the one with the big mouth.  The person who would say anything unfiltered for a laugh or to get a rise out of someone.  It is my compulsive nature to make everyone feel at ease around one another.  Put the attention, negative or positive, on me so that everyone around me would have a common like or hatred.  To share the love with everyone leaves little love for one's self.  This is the spiral I must get straightened out.  This is the compulsive action I need to flatten, like my abs.  It was the switch that could only be turned off by the power of a liquid for a long time.  It needs to be my motivation.  It is my motivation.  Now, somebody tell my soul.

Society is a funny game.  I was having a conversation about my post about shit buddies last night and it got me thinking about public bathrooms.  Who was it that decided men were at all comfortable with pissing in front of one another?  Let's look at all the different public facilities that men have to deal with.

Stadium restrooms:  equipped with 20 or so toilets, depending on the venue, and lined with trophs to piss in.

Mall/Theatre restrooms:  three toilets and 4-5 urinals.

Bar restrooms:  1-2 toilets and depending the integruity of the place, 2-3 urinals.

If men are lucky there will be particians seperating the urinals.  Most of the time it's hold hands and let the juice squeeze.  My favorite are the trophs.  The constant flow of recycled water making it's way down tilt collecting all the refuge along the way.  Gravity helps this situation.  Side by side men will stand holding their dicks shaking the last bit of piss dribblets off the heads into a metal basin.  When did this become okay?  Which man wrote it down in his journal that all men were cool with exchanging fluids on eachothers shoes?  I understand the urinal.  It makes sense.  But why no seperation?  Why have guys shoulder to shoulder in an awkward silence staring at the tiled wall?  Are we okay with this?  I don't know a single guy who readily stands next to the other guy pissing.  There is a urinal code of ethics set forth over time that places an empty urinal between bladder controlled spurters.  If this ethical pee controller is set up in the minds of all guys, why is it that we still see open urinals and trophs?  Do the designers not ever use public restrooms?  Do they have secret "gotcha" meetings and laugh at the expense of all men?  Are the restroom designers all women and they are giving us a bra-strap salute?

Why don't we just save all the money being spent on the other side of the restroom and just have a door leading outside for the men's room?  Plant a couple of trees next to the door.  Just have us shit and piss outside like the animals we are made to feel like when we enter the men's room.  No need for running water...just fertilize the ground.  Could you imagine?  The women's room is always lavish with couches and stalls that are scented with lilacs and open meadows.  The men's room is just a door leading outside to the parking lot.  Seems to be the next logical step. 

How much water can one person drink without feeling guilty?  If you truly think about how much water you can consume in a day, month, year...what about your lifetime?  When does it start to become obscene?  Bragging even?  The next time you turn your faucet on high and let the luke warm water run over your fingers until it turns the tempature you'd like, think of all the dying children that drink seepage. 

The not so common cold.

I am pretty sure we have a cure for cancer.  There is no doubt in my mind that we have figured it out.  I do believe the governments of the World are holding it hostage, however.  The health care platform would crumble if cancer was taken out of the running.  Could you imagine the finicial holocaust we would see in our economic structure if people stopped needing the drugs and service provided from hospitals?  It would be the end.  So I do believe we have the cure, it's just hiding out under the rugs of our founding fathers.  How many doctors do you know that have died from cancer?  It's probably in their contracts to be vaccinated.  The ones you do know that have died of it have been put into a lottery with a gag order to ease suspicions.

I have come up with the solution to end the cancer crisis once and for all and to still be in the black economically.  We just need to start snapping our children's legs.  There should be a "free of cancer" law put into the constitution where as each American must have both legs broken by the age of 14.  This should counter balance the loss of the chemotherapy visits and perscriptions handed out.  If we need to amend the law to boost monetary income, incorperate the arms as well.  It'll make the next generation stronger...at least in the esteem.  Not to mention the evolution our bodies will eventually go through.  Our brains may become stronger, bigger, faster due to the lack of bone density in all of our systems.  Or maybe our bodies will become more sustainable to injury later on in the years.  All good things.

Needless to say we need this.  The F.B.I. will have a new branch added to it's force-the F.B.P.P.; Fathers Battering Pre-Pubescents.  This way we won't need to spend the extra cash for man hours.  Just have the license given to the biological fathers.  This will give the dead-beat dad an opportunity to get closer to his offspring while insuring the stability of this great nation.  Win, win.  Russia may pick-up on this.  Do we really want another Sputnik?  Let's jump this horse before it's too late.   

If Humpty Dumpty knew any better...eggs wouldn't taste so good.

Something caught my eye tonight.  It was a moth perched on the glass exit door.  It's little anteni were twitching around like it was trying to see through into the theatre, like it knew something better was just lurking around the corner.  It got me thinking about humanity and how we are exactly like that moth.  It always seems like we're waiting for someone to open that door.  Like we could sit staring into someone else's future for the rest of our lives, content with what we see but willing it to open for us to be involved, to be better.  The grass is always greener, it seems.  But what if the weeds are the thing we need to survive?  When the door finally opens and we are sucked into the unknown by the force how do we know what to do when pushed inside?  Isn't this what we were waiting for?  We hop from one star to the next wishing for something to guide us.  For something to just be right.  The challenge is gone with this generation.  Each bright yellow star is the mirrage to a better life.  The misguided wishes we set to the Universe could never be answered in the way we would want.  We are forced to the light once again but are now trapped in our fortunes.  The escape is much harder than the initial fall.  The door may swing out but the pocket created is a suctioned off wall that is too great to break through on our own.  We are again proven undesirable by the gods of all wisdom.  Let it be our decision to land on the fence overlooking the other side.  Never to cross over, but to just imagine our life to be that way...then throw all caution to the wind and, turn around and walk back into your own excistence.  You can never be happy or fullfilled if you were to jump.  You will always be forced to look over the fence.